Stay Away from Fucked Up People

I have a general rule of thumb in life that is especially applicable to those caught up in the restraining order mess.

Stay away from fucked up people. I define fucked up people as people who are self-destructive and consistently bring drama into people's lives. These people have one problem after another. Something "bad" is always happening to them and it is always someone else's fault. What I mean by that is not to say that you should simply run away and not stand up for yourself and defend your principles, reputation, or property.

But it does mean being mature, having a straight head, and putting some distance and stop the communication between you and the offending party who are quick to try to abuse the restraining order process.

I have read of many people who have restraining orders put upon them by ex-spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends who have created so much legal harm because of hurt feelings. Yet these same people are so quick to forgive and get back together with someone and turn a blind eye to the person used the legal system as a blunt force instrument to solve a relationship hurt. Normal people don't turn to the legal system for relationship disputes. Only in the most extreme situations is the legal system called into play.

Most people simply breakup and makeup without the legal system. Someone who would bring in the legal system over normal relationship disputes is big trouble and big drama in the making.

Who needs that grief in life? Today, there are millions of single men and women. In this ocean of of single people, the majority of them don't use or abuse the restraining order process to resolve relationship disputes.

Some people seriously need to Improve their radar for detecting "fucked up" people and stay away. This is equally helpful in business as well as personal life.


  • edited January 2016
    Now that my mentally ill neighbor no longer has any RO on me, I have been careful to avoid her like the plague. But she will readily stalk me in hopes of starting another court action. All of her efforts, including 2 cyberstalking warrants, 2 restraining orders, and 4 perjured affidavits for show-cause orders, failed-- after 29 total compulsory appearances by me in court to defend. Her second RO failed because she was never able to use it against me, and her last ex parte appearance before a judge got her a good tongue-lashing and a warning not to try it again. Still, much damage has been done -- to my health, to my reputation, and to my faith in justice and the judicial system.

    Sometimes I have watched her out of the corner of my eye trying to do something sneaky. She will watch and if I come out to check my mail, she will emerge from her hole like an animal and sneak up trying to provoke me. But I do not provoke. And I carry a digital recorder and my cellphone with me religiously to record any confrontation with this thing. Always be recording. And if I had had the foresight to record in the very beginning she would have been caught at her perjury. And the radfem judge who was obsessed with nailing a RO to my hide could not have done it.

    The NC restraining order by law can endure one year only. So I feel relatively safe now that she will never try again, although she shows she'd love to. She's the Colleen Nestler of my county and every bit as much a fruitcake as Colleen, the plaintiff who obtained a RO against David Letterman in New Mexico.
  • Larry, I do hope you will share some of your defense strategies in how you defended against these accusations in court when it time permits. I agree with you that recording your surroundings is insurance for those that would attack you. I personally have a car dashcam and Wi-Fi security cameras in my house.

    I will also activate a phone recorder app on my phone if I feel that parties I speak to are not honorable and there might be potential conflict.

    These are the types of honest and open discussions that need to be had. No one wants to be cynical in life but there are people who say things that are untrue and abuse the legal system.

    I am also happy to hear that you avoid her like the plague. That is very smart. Prevention and proactiveness is something I absolutely endorse.

    As you know, there are some who subscribe to a victim mentality. One can be a victim but also fight back. Some have fight within them, some don't.

    I also subscribe to living in a bubble to keep the crazies out. I am a big believer in clear boundaries and fencing.
  • Anytime you have a suggestion, just let me know and I'll try my best to write something helpful to all the beleaguered men and women out there who are suffering from the travesties of the restraining order machine and its evil sire, the VAWA.

    I enjoyed reading here, and will come back often. I had never been introduced to Kat McSnatch, so thanks to you and April for the morning's belly laughs. Too funny!
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